Tiresome TVS Tirades.

This is a mean machine.

Anybody who says otherwise, is not blind and deaf. In reality though, if my name was Champoo and my career goals were to corner the tea delivery market in my village, then vehicular vanity would be the least of my worries.
What would be important, is the amazing efficiency of this moped monster. I believe it can achieve over 100 km/l, which frankly is fooking ace!
And being Champoo, the top speed of 40 km/h would certainly help keep the tea from spilling.

Sluurp.

Lowri's Low Lying Lanzarote Lark

Lowri doesn't like many songs.
Lowri, in fact, likes less songs that many people I know.
However, when a number that she does like is played, she goes completely mad. (I was going to write MAD but I think capitalised words should be left for extremes of emotion - and I think she would have to step it up a notch to qualify.)
This song by Eric Prydz (Call On Me) came on and man there it was....

The next holiday, Lowri is defo coming as well. And I have a mini-cd copy of that song secreted on my person waiting to be delivered to whichever DJ is dumb enough not to have it already. C'mon do your goddamn job properly - it's not like they don't pay you enough for it.
Disclaimer: DJs are poorly paid and most of them are disabled (deaf) so we should give them a break.

Fook's sake....

Holiday in Lanzarote

So I went to Lanzarote with some people a while back and I thought I would mention it here. It has been a few months but this is a new blog (by the way how long does a blog stay new for nowadays?) so I will mention it nonetheless.
Let's start by naming the group - no last names for privacy reasons - Myself, Helen, Felicity, Gwyn, Lowri, Muriel and Rhian.
That's seven people for all the kindergarteners out there - and if you are really in KG then please tell your parents you found this site as they will be most impressed.

This is Muriel in the picture and the reason why the bloke on the right (Chris the DJ - more about him later!) looks like he is about to hang himself, is because she sang him out of house and home. Actually, no her singing wasn't that awful, but I did overhear the owner say that he hadn't had such a stonking headache in over 10 years...

I had a bet that I could get us a full bottle of whisky from behind the bar without anybody noticing and I managed it. What I can't remember is what I won, or what the thievery achieved because I hate whisky. Here's the proof for all you disbelievers out there.


I will add more pictures as the days go by. Come back for more.

India Pakistan Cricket Highlights (Lahore Test - Day4)

Hello again. I thought I would share with you something all the cricket fans would enjoy.
If you don't have access to the cricket highlights of the ongoing test matches between India and Pakistan I will post the links here and you can download them in wmv format to play on your computer.

These are both master classes in batting from Virender Sehwag, the Nawab of Najafgarh (somewhere in west Delhi I think).

Test 1 Jan '06 Lahore - Day 4 (Part1)

Test 1 Jan '06 Lahore - Day 4 (Part2)

I hope you enjoy downloading and watching them just as I have.

More soon.

India v Pakistan 2006 - Cricket Series

Now of course you will have been watching the latest cricket series being played in Pakistan (or blayed in Bakistaan if you are a Palestinian). If you don't support cricket or haven't a clue about what I am saying, then you will probably find this post quite tedious and you may consider leaving.

I'm waiting....

OK so now that the riff-raff has left I will continue.

The Lahore test that started on Friday the 13th of January was destined to end in a draw. How did I know that? Well, the pitch for a start. No pitch can be prepared to deliver bounce, swing or even deviation when there has been a cumulative total of 2 hours sunlight for the duration of the preparation. No matter what rollers they use, or what techniques they wish to employ, nothing can dry out the pitch sufficiently after sprinkling to give the bowlers the bounce they require. The result is the dull flat wicket that has been the scourge of every bowler who has had the misfortune to ruin his stats upon it.

Have a look at this graph. Now it is obvious that a water soaked pitch which has had no sunlight to slowly dry it will have non-optimum bounce and will also be of lower density due to the lower compaction. There are many other factors but I will leave them out here.

So bloody dry out the pitch sufficiently next time! Nuff said.

This study was published a while ago and the research was carried out in South Africa, for those who are interested. They wanted to bring the countries provincial pitches into line with International standards thereby improving the performance of their domestic cricketers. What an idea - maybe the BCCI (if you don't know what this means then you really shouldn't be reading this blog) could do something similar. But probably not, as their main concern is making money and selecting players who just the previous week they had excluded from the team.

Just for laughs, it seems that the ex-captain in question - you know who I mean - may not even get to bat as our boys (Sehwag and Dravid) are on 403/0 and they only need another 11 runs to scurry past Mankad et al's (circa 1955/56) highest-opening-partnership record, which currently stands at 413 runs. Shoaib Akhtar was blunted; Mohammad Sami, spanked; Rana Naved-ul-Hasan, dismissed; Danish Kaneria, destroyed; and the rest scattered. Way hey!
If this continues the statisticians are going to have a hard time keeping up with the run flood and record tumble on a roti-flat pitch. Bowlers will be looking to Faisalabad for some respite to their abysmal figures.

On that sweet note - bye.

First Post (no congratulations needed please)

You know when the Romans used to conquer a town they would find the biggest landowners and either make them pay Caesar's taxes or kill them. Either way the land was now part of Rome, whether one liked it or not.
Ah well tough...

Anyway, now that's over with I can get down to the serious issue of discussing the weather. This weather discussion phenomenon is really quite a colonial hangover which refuses to go away. It is a preoccupation within the communities of the old Raj (British Empire for ye unenlightened), India included. Many a conversation has/is/will be peppered with comments on the skies and the omens that are there for every one to see. And I don't see any sign of this trend abating.
Nice and sunny today isn't it Mrs. Jones..... ahem.

Onwards and upwards as they say. So I was having one of those extremely lazy days yesterday and managed to do almost nothing. However, in my boredoom (yes with 2 Os because it had surpassed plain boredom by then) I decided that it would be good to go and watch a film. So I asked Helen, my lovely and multi talented girlfriend, whether she would like to accompany me and of course the answer was in the affirmative.
We watched Brokeback Mountain at the local UGC cinema (a French cinema company which has recently changed its name to Cineworld for some reason) - quite a well made film even though it was only based on a short story and not a novel like most thought provokers are.

More later fellas.